We’re Going Out, But You Can’t Have A Good Time.

Growing up I hated doing things. I hate doing things now, but I hated it then too. Reverse psychology was one of my parents sharpest tools, and ‘We’re going out but you’re not allowed to have a good time’ was a mantra in the household. That was their way of saying we know once you get there you’ll have a good time but you make such a goddamn stink getting there this and every time. I still do this and I am gifted at it. Unfortunately I no longer think of this as a personal deficit. As an adult I prefer to think I’m excellent at doing nothing.

Obviously I was out sometimes or else there would be no memoirs for these mantras, but you can go ahead and assume all other moments of my life were spent lounging as much as possible.

I can only imagine how annoying it must have been to have a child that would fight tooth and nail before doing any of the fun stuff they had planned. Probably feels a lot like having a girlfriend that doesn’t want to go out.

I just don’t think a talent for lounging around like mine should go to waste. Not only do  I enjoy wasting a whole day or week to a television series, but I am exceptional at it. There’s room in society for people like that now. We binge watch Netflix. We put butt imprints in our couches. We eat pretzels and nutella. We order delivery and tip well.

Since I have to fight myself even when I want to go out, I just remember that once I get there I’m not allowed to have a good time. That usually helps.

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