It’s my Shitbox Car and I Will Drive if I Want To

Posted in Uncategorized on March 3, 2015 by beccasteinhoff

In honor of buying a new car and actually going through the hell of selling my old old old car on craigslist, I will put up an exerpt about what it is like sifting through the bullhonky of what craigslist ads are really like. please keep in mind this was written a year ago and the condition of the car has deteriorated further since then.

I would be concerned about potential buyers of the car finding this post and changing their minds, but first of all, it’s craigslist and I doubt there is that much cross-research going on, and second of all, I’m not getting that many bites to begin with.

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iIt’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Shitbox Car(eeeeee)

I drive a shitbox car. It’s scary to even consider writing about the car, because telling jokes about the car is absolutely out of the question. Any time I write a joke about my car, truly believing every time that the joke is funny, the joke dies onstage, and a fairy loses their wings. I’ve even tried that onstage, and no it didn’t work. It didn’t work the 3 times I tried it after that either. I bet audiences can sense the truth, that my car isn’t funny, it’s just sad.I lied to myself about this car, told myself it was a good car cus it runs, but a good car should do more than run.

For a minute there i was thinking about buying a car, and I was looking at ads on craigslist. Browsing craigslist ads for cars means you have to keep a few questions in mind. Most important being “what’s wrong with it?” Theres always something wrong with it, especially if the price is reasonable or cheap. I thought a lot about what I would say about my car if I wanted to sell it. I wouldn’t want to lie to the people like they lie to me.

In reading a craigslist ad, it’s all about what they don’t say. I feel it is only right to provide absolutely everything they would need to know to say no to buying this car, and all the better because no matter what, i feel like shit for selling it to them. So here it is, if you know how to read between the lines (or in this case, the parentheses), you will know everything you need to know to make an informed decision to keep looking.

Craigslist ad for my car:

(5 or 6 pictures of the car from different angles)

1993 Toyota Camry, >160,000 miles. 2000$ OBO (anything more than 50$ is overpayment)

4 cylinder, 4 door sedan. (Door handles are busted. All 4 doors can let you in, some lack door handles to get out.)

don’t lock the driver side door, the key doesn’t turn the lock (don’t ask, it’s a long story)

Need’s paint job. (paint is chipped and seemingly melting)

Needs re-upholstery. (dashboard is shredded like it took a lashing)

Minor dents and dinges. (like it’s lived through a couple Katrinas. It didn’t, but like it)

Best air conditioning and heating system I’ve ever had (that part is true)

Gets great mileage. (Wait does that mean lots of mileage? Lots of mileage.)

No really, 25 mpg around town, 28 mpg highway.

Brand new (severely undersized) tires.

Aftermarket stereo. (3 working speakers, no radio)

New fuel line, (replaced last one after it leaked ¾ of a tank of gasoline all over my engine. My mechanic said it was a miracle I didn’t catch on fire.)

Really reliable, daily driver. (Every day that it just starts up, I’m surprised)

most people have the joy of discussion their shitbox car after they have had the pleasure of getting rid of it. Not so in this case. On some level, as much as I believe I deserve happiness and good things (after many years of believing the opposite), believing I am capable of owning basic necessities has yet to sink in. I’m referring to extraneous human needs like health care, dental, and getting a more than shitbox car. I say this out of fear of another monthly bill. Making payments on a car 2005 or newer just doesnt seem in the budget. I would rather own a deadly old car, make occasional (and unexpected) payments to fix it, and own the thing outright. I like to pay things outright, and own things outright, and god damnit if i’m going to have a shitbox car, i’m going to be very proud of it, until i looked at it one day and i broke a door handle with my eyes. it crumbled like sand at my feet and all i did to make it break was look lovingly at it.

except for those occasional moments when this car tries to kill me, it’s been an excellent car. It’s never not started right up and taken me where I need to go. Even if it’s an 8 hour drive, even when it was leaking gasoline over my engine, it’s never been anything but consistent. And consistently, since I’ve owned it, it’s needed to be replaced.

what it really boils down to is a hard truth to accept: to date this has been the worst purchase I have ever made. Entirely with my own money, I decided this 93 toyota camry for 1,200$ was a reasonable buy, with less than 140,000 miles on it. I’ve since put upwards of 5000$ into it, not including the purchase price. with every repair it drives better, and with every improvement something else breaks. I wish I could keep it just to set it on fire in a parking lot to watch it burn, but I really can’t let it go for any less than what a reasonable junkyard would take for it.

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for funs sake, here is a link to the ACTUAL ad I have on craigslist right now for my car.

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/cto/4915497368.html

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A Book Lover Is A Rude Reader

Posted in Uncategorized on February 3, 2015 by beccasteinhoff

Hey website checkers! Here is another entry from my book. My book is going to be a series of life stories, mixed with musing, mantras, and thoughts compiled in essays. The stories and the musings inform each other, but aren’t necessarily connected. I attempt to put the lessons learned in the experiences in separate entries. I like to describe it as David Sedaris meets Fran Lebowitz meets Lena Dunham but you like me. This next excerpt is more my thoughts on reading, and if you’re a reader like me, I hope you enjoy.

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A Book Lover Is A Rude Reader

I am a rude reader. I love to read, and I read fast. I still read actual books. I still like to hold books in my hand and get readers arthritis from holding it open with my thumb, index finger and pinky too long. But I don’t wait to be alone to read. If I am engrossed in a book, I will ignore you, even if I invited you over. Anyone who was near me during the 17 hours it took me to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be able to tell you how little I heard of them and how much I ignored them during that time. I wasn’t polite about it either. “Can’t you see I’m reading. Does Harry live or die?! Is Snape good or evil? These are things I have to know.”

What I should have said was “thank you so much for being my friends and wanting to come over to my apartment. Please forgive my rudeness for preferring to live in an imaginary world rather than a real one, and humor me for the remainder of this book. Perhaps come back in 2 days when I am finished and need the serotonin required from human companionship that the Harry Potter series will never again provide for me.”

No, that’s not how it works. I believe a good book is a book you finish, and a great book is a book you don’t put down until it is finished. It ends and you feel hunger for another book equally as readable. So if you are around me during the magical time (for me) and the unbearable time (for you) when you can tell I would rather read than interact, please don’t take it personally. I’ll let you read it and ignore me when I’m done with it.

Reading is a dangerous thing for me that must be seriously monitored if I have shit to do, or even worse, if I have to make serious life decisions. Any actions that must be taken will have to wait until I am done with my book, because reading = paralysis. There are several moments in my life where I will have to cut myself off from reading.

1- if I have to work that day, and all of the preparation that comes from going to work. Eating, showering, getting ready. This will all suffer as will my work performance that day if I have a good book to read.

2- If I am at a crossroads in my life and would love to procrastinate moving forward. Once, instead of deciding how I was going to get a dollar to my name, get out of my parents house, get my life together and figure out how to achieve even a moment’s happiness, I read the first book from the Game of Thrones Series (yes I know its the Fire and Ice series. suck it). I had already seen the show, known what would happen in the first book. I did achieve some relaxation and relief from reading it, but it cost me a week of  decision making. I cut myself off from starting the second book until I have one million dollars in the bank. Today it sits on the shelf (and it doesn’t even belong to me. More on that in a moment.)

3- Those are the only 2 times I can think of where I will actually not allow myself to read. More times, I will trick myself into believing that I don’t love voracious reading as much as I do, why not just watch some TV instead. I have also tricked myself into believing if I want to read a book, I must own it and add it to the collection. And therefore, if I don’t have money to buy a book, I will not read a book. This is doubly true because even though I read fast, I have always hated the time imposition a library will put on me, and have never in my life returned a book on time. I always end up paying the price of the book or more to the library in late fees. And then I keep the book that’s been marked by the library like it’s been through the prison system.

4-I will not allow myself to walk into any bookstore, at any time for any reason other than for gifts during christmas or my birthday. It is a physical impossibility for me to walk out of a bookstore without spending 50$ or more (make it 100$ if it’s barnes and noble, due both to prices and selection).

Books are the one accumulation I will never get rid of. If I had to keep all of my possessions in my car, it would be a library, and the same 5 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans I wear every day. Everything in my life can go and I am fine with that, but I will not dwindle my library by even one page. Instead I will continue to build my empiric home until there is enough space for all. There may even be two rooms for books already read and books not yet read.

There is one way I will get rid of books. I will give them to people to read, knowing 9 out of 10 times I will never see them again. I cope with this loss by not making a list of names or titles. If it’s gone, I will miss it for a day, then forget which book I lent to whom, and I sincerely hope it was enjoyed. I have also accumulated books in this way, and I don’t mind because at the end of the day, they are meant to be read. If they are, then their aim is achieved, and better they be read by myself, then someone else, than perched on a shelf and forgotten.

That being said, I just finished a great book, and am in need of another. I’m open to suggestions.

Where in the World Area is Becca Steinhoff

Posted in Uncategorized on July 20, 2014 by beccasteinhoff

With all the technology in the world at my disposal, this barebones website is how I would like to let you know about upcoming shows. The list is growing all the time, but this is everything I have on my calender as of this moment. please keep in mind when looking at these dates that I am only posting pre-booked shows. There are many nights that I go to open mics that I don’t post because it’s not set in stone or for other various reasons. If there is a night you have the time, energy, and desire to come to a comedy show to see me perform, email me at resteinhoff@gmail.com and I will tell you promptly where I will be that evening.

UPCOMING SHOWS

12/16/14 Washington, DC The Howard Theatre VIA Funny N Stiletto’s – 8PM

(tickets available ticketmaster.com or thehowardtheatre.com. You can also contact me and I can get them for you)

These dates are subject to change.

Hello Friends

Posted in Uncategorized on June 1, 2014 by beccasteinhoff

I’m leaving the DC area for the time being, gonna be in the Asheville/ Greater North Carolina area for the summer, and then WHO KNOWS. Yes, life is just that exciting. Maybe I’ll be in a city near you! If you want me to come to your city, please email me  at resteinhoff@gmail.com and I can do my best to make that happen. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to check my calendar for upcoming shows, and yeah I wish I had more to show you, but life is a journey and we live it to the best of our abilities. Right now I’m a girl in her mid-twenties experiencing the “what now?” uncertainty that I should have gone through after college, but as a cocky graduate, thought I was above. 

In other news, with more time on my plate, I’m going to start writing more on this website; posts, pictures, blogs, stuff for you to enjoy. And I hope you do. 

While You’re Here

Posted in Uncategorized on May 30, 2013 by beccasteinhoff

Video Project for School, for your viewing pleasure.